Issue of the Week: Black Relationships and Marriage
This "issue of the week" concerns marriage and relationships in the Black community. Last month there was an article in the Washington Post titled "Marriage is for White People" that has attracted some attention. Check it out and let's get some discussion going around this important issue.
There is also a very controversial film coming out related to Black relationship issues. The clip can be seen at www.tiredblackman.com. It's been sparking quite a bit of commentary among some BGSA folks so lets get some of it on the blog.
posted by BGSA @ 9:48 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
If y'all really want to get fired up check
this out. It's audio clip of an interview with the producer/director.
FROM TIANNA:
Okay...so despite all the work I have to get done this week..I thought I would respond to this because it is important...
On the "Marriage is for White People" article, some of those things did resonate with me...i mean I have had to unlearn a lot of things that I had been socialized to think, like white folks "date", black folks "talk", white children have "fathers", black folks have "baby daddy's". We have to deconstruct these things, especially to understand how much of this stuff is historically determined, structural, correlated with class, etc.
Well needless to say, as a legitimately "concerned black woman", the "Tired Black Man" clip incited in me some of the anger that the man in the film wrongly accuses all black women of having... "Frustration", "realism", "pragmatism", "hopelessness", or perhaps "rejection" and "feeling beaten down by racism and patriarchy" are all alternative, and perhaps more useful spins on what might really be going on regarding black women's feeling about relationships. I really feel that given the dire statistics, (particularly among educated black folks), if a black woman has any optimism about marriage left in her, that is impressive... As a sociologist, I mean, it don't look pretty...look at the gender gaps at HBCUs!!!! its crazy. Anyhow, I say this to say that there needs to be more dialogue within the black community about the structural and cultural issues that are not only threatening black families in profound ways, but are causing the proliferation of racialized gender stereotypes. I mean, imagine how often the black women in that film characterize all black men as "weak" or how detrimental it is for the man in that film to complain about the homogeneous, bitter "black women" to his white girlfriend.
So, thank your for this topic....I think this is a good place to start, and I feel that any deep discussion around these issues would involve assessing the structural issues like the prison industrial complex and more socio-cultural phenomena like inter-racial love (yes, i said it), the uneven "market marriageability index" between black men and women, and playerism as a consequence
of scarcity of men, etc. I think that many members of the black community have called for these kinds of dialogues, including Bell Hooks, who in Salvation: Black Poeple and Love, argues that conversations about love have completely muted in our racial justice struggles and other spheres.
She asks us to start off with the issue of love and lovelessness within the black community, both in terms of self, and relationships more generally. "We need to talk openly about how black men and women relate, about ways class differences inform our attitudes about love, about the addiction to male domination that is strong among black men of all classes."
In regards to the article and the movie clip...both stirred up a lot of feeling for me. I've definitely been guilty of both in the past...griping about the pitfalls of black men in relationships while not being able to admit how I contributed to the demise of the relationship or seriously committed myself to promote positive change. On a professional level, as an aspiring psychotherapist I see this theme played out time and time again in my office....
Scenario: angry black woman in 30's-40s presents with clinical depression, anxiety, etc. In the process of getting to know her this topic of "triflin'" black men comes up. I spend most of the session trying to deconstruct negative and distorted images of black relationships only leaving to feel exhausted and like nothing I said really got through, week after week.
From a macro perspective, the stats are very grim for educated Black sistahs. According to most of the literature I've read, we are the population that is least likely to be married and more likely to see our male counterparts date outside of our race, next to Asian men.
But to segue from the macro perspective I think its time we all got real with ourselves. Start encouraging dialogue on the micro level....what I like to call keeping it "really real". For too long the Black community has reinforced the notion that talking about feelings, fears, anxieties, etc is a sign of weakness particular for Black males. If we truly want to evolve and not contribute to the mass marketed annihilation of the strong Black male and functional Black family dynamics its time to start talking with each other (without judgment, blame, labeling, etc) and admit to our faults, fears, past transgressions. Finally we need to be open to the idea of changing the dynamics and consistently work on a daily basis to promote said change through our speech, but moreover through our actions. We need to operationalize what it means to be a strong Black man/woman sans the negativity, drama and overall bullshit. Not to be cliche and all but Ghandi once said something like you must be the change you wish to see.
I'm ready to stand up and be really real to enact change...are you?
Holla
SOCIAL REFORM OF AN SEXUAL NATURE:
PLEASE NOTE THIS IS NO GAME:
ETHNIC MEN & WOMEN ARE PAYING A TREMENDOUS PRICE FOR SEXUAL INVOLVMENT WITH WHITE PEOPLE:
TO THE BLACK WOMEN & BLACK MEN:
BLACK MEN’S EGOS IS IN HIS STRENGHT.
HE PROVIDES AND HE PROTECTS. WHEN THE BLACK MAN IS NOT AVAILABLE TO THE BLACK WOMAN SHE IS VULNERABLE FROM LACK OF PROVISION AND PROTECTION. THIS IS HER HANDICAP. BLACK WOMEN ARE MORE CAPABLE; HOWEVER, SHE IS STILL AT RISK
MY DEAR BROTHER, PLEASE REMEMBER THIS.
I AM AN ECONOMIC MAJOR PROFICENT IN THEORY....
I QUERIED TO THE INTERNATIONAL ECONOMIC ASSOCIATION ABOUT....
THE ARGUEMENT OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND ECONOMICS......
I ARGUE THAT ONE SEXUAL ENCOUNTER DOES NOT IDENTIFY SEXUAL ORIENTATION WITH ABSOLUTELY NO RELEVENCE AT ALL ON ECONOMIC THEORIES...........
I ARGUE FURTHER THAT THIS PRACTICE IS DESIGN TO ....FORM A MANIPULATING ASSOCIATION WITH A PROSTITUTE FOR HER SIGNIFICANCE.
Post a Comment
<< Home